Sunday, 19 February 2012

Getting it wrong...

Today, I was very hurtful to another person, not deliberately, but all the same, I was thoughtless and the way I behaved was incredibly hurtful.

This person is someone I value so much, who has always given me kindness and support and opportunity, so I feel ashamed of myself and lost as to why I would be like this. I can't think of an adequate reason. It was just hurtful. I did it. And there really isn't an excuse.

I'm not sure what the right thing to do following something like this, because I'm not often a shit bag.

Of course, I can be moody and difficult and not the best company. Like most people, I can have little huffs, or  upset people accidentally when I don't realise and I no doubt get on peoples nerves because I'm a certain kind of person with my own particular set of difficulties and flaws.

But today, I was downright hurtful and horrible, and all day I've struggled with the thought of how awful this person must have felt because of me.

I've tried to apologise, but saying sorry is so inadequate. My behaviour can't be undone and the hurt has already set out on its journey. I can't take that back.

And now I'm wondering what a person like me needs to do /should do / can do in order to try and make things right?


2 comments:

sonia said...

we all do things we aren't proud of at some time. you apologised which not everyone does. x

annie clarkson said...

Thanks Sonia, sometimes sorry isn't good enough, but yes, not proud of myself! Will try and put it right somehow x